It's that season of June, again, looking back to help us move forward

Audio By Vocalize

In a few days, the nation will be gripped in the fever of June 25th, now memorialised as a touchstone in our political evolution, when Parliament was overrun by youth protesters and a national Budget Bill was rejected. The youth sought a different pathway into the future.

Indeed, things have changed, for the better. Prezzo Bill Ruto is still air-borne, manga-mangaring around the world in search of investors, but now he prefers a private jet in place of the national carrier. And his Prime Cabinet Secretary, Musalia Mudavadi aka MaDvD, has graduated into a personal photographer.

When Prezzo Ruto emerged in Norway, he probably made the voyage in a submarine to proclaim he was looking for a fishing port operator in a place called Shimoni, which means a hole, in Mombasa.

Yes, we’ve had the wherewithal to develop a fishing port but we still got have no idea who will operate it, which was why Prezzo Ruto was in the Scandinavia. What’s interesting about those forays is that the only investors who set foot on our soil are big-bodied Zimbabwean charlatans bearing Kenyan passports!

I think this is what Prezzo Ruto means when he talks about prioritising intra-Africa trade and promotion of pan-Africanism. And no African should have to declare his citizenship anywhere on this continent. We’re one, unless one is in South Africa.

I have no way of knowing how far Prezzo Ruto had been scouting for another port operator, the airport operator, which has been given to that broad-shouldered Zim chap bearing a fraudulently-acquired Kenyan passport. That’s to say we should be glad because the deal has gone to one of us, in a manner of speaking.

The departed politician Raila Odinga liked to quip when a dog barks, pay no need but ask the dog to declare its master. Building on that theory, your guess is as good as mine as to who the dog’s master is.

This axiom is a Kenyan peculiarity that means you know who I’m talking about, even without doing so. After all, wise folks have many ways of understanding what’s going on, as we say where I come from.

Still, I fully support Prezzo Ruto’s promotion of pan-African “businessmen,” even when they are declared frauds where they come from. After all, prophets are seldom honoured in their own lands.

In this spirit of generosity, I resist the temptation to declare Prezzo Ruto a master of duplicity, as he read his AI-generated speech to launch a compensation scheme for victims of State violence with solemn contrition.

“No compensation can restore a life lost,” he said solemnly, “No reparation can erase the pain of a parent who buried a child…” I thought I heard his voice break and the scowl on his face seemed to twitch: “When a thorn pierces the foot, it is not the foot alone that suffers. The whole body stops to remove it. So it is with us…”

These mixed metaphors from the same man who declared protesters in the streets were treasonous criminals who should be shot in the leg could only have been authored by artificial intelligence devices that have no recollection of the past, which explains why Prezzo Ruto’s speech lacked compunction to owe up.

The monetary offer, he concluded, was the “State’s acknowledgement that harm occurred.” This suggests the tragedy that befell our nation on June 25, 2024 probably came from drones diverted from the Strait of Hormuz. Or that the bullets that cut down the young lives was the handiwork of unidentified flying objects (UFOs), not marksmen on rooftops, firing rounds bought by the Kenyan taxpayer.

And those murderous cops are still roaming free in our streets…