Don't tell me 'retired but not tired' Prezzo UK is calling shots, years on
Opinion
By
Peter Kimani
| Feb 20, 2026
Folks, I heard it on the grapevine that there was a big bust-up between “retired but not tired” Prezzo Uhuru Kenyatta, aka UK, and his successor Prezzo Bill Ruto. The falling out, I hear, took place in the Ethiopian capital of Addis, where African leaders were making their annual retreat to meet and admire the latest Savile Row suits.
One of the sticking points, I understand, was the slow pace of mediation efforts in central Africa, where Prezzo UK has had to hitch rides on craft from other leaders, as though he’s a manamba, because his successor doesn’t facilitate his work.
Well, UDA folks have to get a life; even former Deputy Prezzo Rigathi Gachagua, aka Riggy, G has since changed tune, after making a career bashing his former boss, whom he accused of emptying the national coffers before his successor arrived.
I don’t think Prezzo UK could have pocketed so much money, given the tight pockets of his pants, as to last him years, even when he’s been out of a job and his pension still being withheld; I suspect that since our money bears his father’s image, he possibly prints his own cash at home when he needs it.
We have it on the authority of Prezzo Bill Ruto’s aide, Farouk Kibet, that Prezzo UK has been bankrolling Edwin Sifuna, the embattled ODM Secretary General, who is causing political jitters, even though it’s not clear why Kibet would be worried about ODM’s turmoil since he belongs to UDA.
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It’s not the first time that Prezzo UK is being blamed when things go wrong; he was purportedly behind the “sufuria” riots of 2023 and the Gen-Z protest of 2024. Incidentally, even the indefatigable acting ODM party leader Oburu Oginga is blaming Prezzo UK for not using “the system” to install the departed ODM leader Raila Odinga to power in 2022.
If both the government and the opposition blame one person for two different crimes allegedly committed at the same time, neither knows what they’re talking about.
Yet, Prezzo UK didn’t do any of that. Instead, he installed Wiperman Kalonzo Musyoka to that role, but even that’s being read as undermining the government.
We know we’re in the fog of the season’s end, to borrow from Alex La Guma’s book by the same title, which is to say the political chickens are coming home to roost. And a restive electorate can’t wait to kick someone where it hurts for the years of lies and unmet election pledges. And the politicos need a scapegoat.
I am persuaded that if the flooding continues to ravage our land, while some parts are wracked by drought, Prezzo UK surely would have something to do with it. It’s his way of undermining his successor, especially after so many bags of fertiliser are reported in the high seas.
Even the thousands of youngsters who are yet to enter junior high school, it should be remembered, aren’t missing slots in schools. It’s sheer delinquency from Prezzo UK’s incitement just to embarrass Prezzo Ruto, so he may cynically deploy the youngsters to the street to protest.
This does make sense, actually, and since Kibek & Co have the intel about these nefarious actions, I wonder if they are out there payukaring out there instead of deploying police to do what they do best: foiling a crime before it occurs.
Finally, I have no idea what they want us to do with that information, especially since all we’ve seen is Prezzo UK surfacing in Mombasa’s Nyali neighbourhood during Ash Wednesday, which is marked by the Catholic faithful.
In his crumpled dashiki, Prezzo UK looked every inch the retiring that he is, even a little more tired than the last time he promised he still had some irons in the fire.